Everything Happens For A Reason

I do not believe in coincidence.  I do believe that everything happens for a reason.

I was raised to be spiritual, to love God, to trust in God’s will, to believe that no matter what everything works out in the end.  Through the years, particularly when I was a young adult, I had my doubts.  I’m a “black-and-white, no gray area” type of person, so I started to doubt the concept of God and went with the scientific explanation of the universe.  That didn’t work well for me.  My life went to hell in a hand basket.  I then started to strengthen my spirituality, and my life started coming together.  I continue to strengthen my spirituality and accept there are things that are not meant to be explained or understood.

Therefore, I do not believe in coincidence.  Everything happens for a reason, even if it is not specifically clear at any given time.

My brother Kris died a little over 1-1/2 years ago from bone and lung cancer at the age of 57.  From the time he was diagnosed to the time he died was just 3 weeks.  They tried radiation and one dose of chemotherapy which he could not tolerate.  They then put him on hospice and sent him home with his wife.

January 2015… on his way to Maui.

He never told me he was ill.  He knew he was going to die, and he never said goodbye.  And I was angry.  Very angry.  Regardless, I ran my next half-marathon less than 2 months later in his memory.  It was my goodbye to him… I was running Maui, his most favorite place in the world (…everything happens for a reason.  I do not believe it was coincidence that my first race after his death happened to be in Maui.).

However, sometime soon after Kris died, I discovered Terry from Spearfruit (everything happens for a reason).  Terry was having his own battle with cancer, and still is, fighting every day for his life.  Terry recently wrote a post, I Will See Her Again, about a recent visit with his mom, sister, and brother.  Because of this heartfelt post, I now understand why my brother never said anything.

My brother didn’t “do” emotions.  He expressed love and occasionally anger or frustration, but he never showed grief or sadness.  Outwardly anyway.  He despised any type of drama.  He accepted the way things were and moved past it.

It took me a year and a half, and finally Terry’s post, to realize my brother couldn’t deal with the emotions that would have come with saying goodbye to the people he loved.  He had enough to process in dealing with his own mortality, and the emotions of having to say goodbye were just too much for him to handle in the short time he had left.

Taken a couple of days before he died, November 2015.

Terry… thank you for sharing your journey with us.  You may never know everyone you’ve helped during your fight, but I am sure there are many.  I appreciate you.

Rest in peace, bro… I finally get it.

36 thoughts on “Everything Happens For A Reason

  1. Garfield Hug

    I teared on reading this. The love you have for your bro is so strong and I am sorry for your loss. Bone and lung cancer aggresively took his life. I am glad you found peace😇Blessings and Garfield hugs!🐾🐾💕💕

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  2. Angela

    I was just thinking about Krissy the other day. And missing him, mom and dad. I tell each of them every day that I love them because i know they are still with us. And i think about you, AJ and James, and how much I love you guys. Now that I’ve stopped crying…. I’m going to try and go back to sleep.
    Love you!!!!!

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  3. CeeJayKay

    OH PAULA! sh*t! I am SO sorry! Here I am all mascara etc down my face… #tears )))hugs(((
    I am so sorry for your loss… I cannot imagine losing one of my siblings, losing my Dad has been very difficult…
    Terry is a VERY special being, I too am following his very brave journey…
    Your brother was very brave and now you, for posting this…

    Sending you MUCH love hunny

    )))hug((( )))hug((( )))hug(((

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    1. Paula Post author

      Thank you so much CeeJay. And I love and greatly appreciate the hugs and love! This is why you have to keep telling your story, with running and/or anything else you may want to share… you never know who you may help! ❤

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  4. runstrongrun

    Great post Paula! I am definitely crying while writing this. I too believe that everything happens for a reason. It sounds like you really loved your brother and your brother really loved you. You two shall be reunited once more. 💕

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  5. spearfruit

    Paula, I am deeply touched by this post. I also believe everything happens for a reason, and though I may never know those reasons, I continue to try to live a good life and be a good person. If my blog in someway helps others, I am honored. I am glad you found something meaningful from my post. I appreciate you very much and appreciate this post. Have a happy day my friend.

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    1. Paula Post author

      It was a happy day, thank you Terry. And thank you so very much for your kind words. I am desperately praying for a miracle for you, and for Gary for strength. I so badly want you to beat the odds and kick cancer in the ass. However, in the meantime, it’s important for you to know now that following your journey has affected me. May we all have such strength… and may God bless you both.

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  6. Dippy-Dotty Girl

    I feel emotions welling as I read this post. Your brother would have undoubtedly loved these words you wrote. Three weeks seem like nothing when it comes to bidding farewell to someone forever. I cannot even begin to comprehend your anguish. But here’s to remembering and coming to terms with farewells. xx

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  7. Lady G

    Oh Paula, I am so glad that God blessed you with some insight to your brother’s feelings and why he handled-or didn’t handle- things the way he did.
    You know, we have to ask ourselves, “What would we do if we were in his shoes.”
    We all probably think we know… but we can’t be sure.
    I find solice in knowing that our loved ones simply shedded their bodies–the essence of who they are is still around 🙂
    Peace be with you my friend 🙂

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    1. Paula Post author

      Thank you Gwin, very well said. It’s a relief to let the anger go and to stop asking why. Either that, or it was just time to be done with the grieving. But you’re right, I wondered over and over again what I’d do in his situation, and I don’t have any idea as I can’t imagine being told “You’re going to die.” Thank you my friend. 😊

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  8. Chocolaterunsjudy

    I was not raised to be spiritual, although I was raised somewhat religious — the two are definitely different things.

    Not saying goodbye to a loved one is definitely so difficult on the living. But I’m glad you were able to find closure now.

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    1. Paula Post author

      I think I was taught religion first (Mormon), and then the spiritual side of it came with it with the reinforcement that God loves me.

      And yes, thank you. It really is a good feeling to no longer have to ask “why.”

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