Tag Archives: loss

Everything Happens For A Reason

I do not believe in coincidence.  I do believe that everything happens for a reason.

I was raised to be spiritual, to love God, to trust in God’s will, to believe that no matter what everything works out in the end.  Through the years, particularly when I was a young adult, I had my doubts.  I’m a “black-and-white, no gray area” type of person, so I started to doubt the concept of God and went with the scientific explanation of the universe.  That didn’t work well for me.  My life went to hell in a hand basket.  I then started to strengthen my spirituality, and my life started coming together.  I continue to strengthen my spirituality and accept there are things that are not meant to be explained or understood.

Therefore, I do not believe in coincidence.  Everything happens for a reason, even if it is not specifically clear at any given time.

My brother Kris died a little over 1-1/2 years ago from bone and lung cancer at the age of 57.  From the time he was diagnosed to the time he died was just 3 weeks.  They tried radiation and one dose of chemotherapy which he could not tolerate.  They then put him on hospice and sent him home with his wife.

January 2015… on his way to Maui.

He never told me he was ill.  He knew he was going to die, and he never said goodbye.  And I was angry.  Very angry.  Regardless, I ran my next half-marathon less than 2 months later in his memory.  It was my goodbye to him… I was running Maui, his most favorite place in the world (…everything happens for a reason.  I do not believe it was coincidence that my first race after his death happened to be in Maui.).

However, sometime soon after Kris died, I discovered Terry from Spearfruit (everything happens for a reason).  Terry was having his own battle with cancer, and still is, fighting every day for his life.  Terry recently wrote a post, I Will See Her Again, about a recent visit with his mom, sister, and brother.  Because of this heartfelt post, I now understand why my brother never said anything.

My brother didn’t “do” emotions.  He expressed love and occasionally anger or frustration, but he never showed grief or sadness.  Outwardly anyway.  He despised any type of drama.  He accepted the way things were and moved past it.

It took me a year and a half, and finally Terry’s post, to realize my brother couldn’t deal with the emotions that would have come with saying goodbye to the people he loved.  He had enough to process in dealing with his own mortality, and the emotions of having to say goodbye were just too much for him to handle in the short time he had left.

Taken a couple of days before he died, November 2015.

Terry… thank you for sharing your journey with us.  You may never know everyone you’ve helped during your fight, but I am sure there are many.  I appreciate you.

Rest in peace, bro… I finally get it.